What Do You See When You Look at Others?

At the end of each seminar I teach, participants prepare an evaluation of their perception of my performance. In each seminar, some of the comments have nothing to do with learning but, instead, are criticisms of my personal mannerisms, tone of voice or appearance. Most of these criticisms are totally opposite of the majority but I've often wondered what could motivate these comments.

In the seminar business there are a lot of variables. Most attend to learn but some come to be entertained, some attend because they are required to and others because of convenience. Their reasons for attending, the quality of text materials and slides and the quality of the facility shape some of their opinions of the experience. This rarely explains, however, why some seem compelled to write personal criticisms.

I used to criticize others because it made me feel superior. Sometimes I did it out of ignorance and other times it was purposeful. Most times it was because I saw in others what I disliked in myself! I disliked many people because they were much like me!

Maybe you've heard the saying, "We like to judge others because of their behavior but want others to judge us based on our intentions." That was (and still sometimes is) me! Several years ago when I was head usher at a church, a woman attended whose behavior was bizarre. After several months of trying to love her as Christians are directed to do, my wife and I talked to our pastor about her behavior and questioned why he hadn't corrected her. Our pastor listened to our criticism and then asked us some piercing questions. "What do you know about her and her background?" "Have you invited her to your home or some of your social events?" "Do you have any idea of why she behaves in these ways?" Slinking out his office door, we realized we had been judging this person simply be what she did and said, not by who she really was.

I read an article by Rick Joyner (www.morningstarministries.org) recently in which he encouraged readers to see others as God sees them. He explained that God sees us, not as we are, but as who and what we can become. God's ways are different than ours, but we can change! How we see others contributes to who they become! Try it sometime!

You Can Get Free From Fear!

My wife and I have two Labrador Retrievers, Sarah and Isaac. Isaac is the first-born son of Sarah and he's my dog. In fact, he worships me! From the time he was a pup (he's 12 now) he was 6 inches from my heels. When I'd come from a trip, he'd whine and whimper with a smile on his face because he was so glad to see me.

When he was younger, Isaac had some bad habits; he liked to eat my wife's socks, not mine just hers. I'd swat him with a newspaper when he did this but he loved me anyway. One day he found a printer ink cartridge under my desk and you can guess the rest. Ink all over the beige carpet! In my anger, I swatted him with the newspaper several times, and harder than usual as I scolded him. Out of fear, he bared his teeth and snarled at me for the first time. At that moment, he didn't worship me!

We humans are not that much different. Fear causes us to do crazy things, the least of which is to push us into the fight or flight mode. At those times, we can lose touch with reality. Like Isaac, sometimes we respond out of instinct. The difference is that you and I respond out of what is in our hearts.

Kenny Huffman beat up on me when I was in the third grade and I couldn't fight back. For most of my life after that, when I was threatened by someone or something I bared my teeth and snarled. I was quick to throw the first punch so to speak, verbal not physical. It took me 45 years to learn I couldn't break free of the fear in my heart on my own.

I don't know what is in your heart this Christmas season that may be causing you to fear. The Bible says the root of all fear is the fear of death. If you haven't already, this Christmas season make sure you accept God's free gift, Jesus Christ. When you ask him into your heart, His Holy Spirit will begin to heal and remove the root of fear, eternal death. Snarl no more! Enjoy His peace! (John 14:27: "Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."

What Time is it?

It's the holiday season, of course! A time for giving, a time for family, a time for reflecting on the past year, a time for planning for next year and a time for considering the needs of others.

The temperature where I live has dipped below zero and there is some snow. I'm grateful I have a warm house; some don't. Holiday meals are being planned and I'm very grateful we have money to buy food; some don't. We are planning to get together with some of our family members to celebrate Christmas and I'm grateful for that; some are alone.

The truth is I sometimes take our blessings for granted. Only two years ago, we'd experienced a business failure and were left with no money and huge debt. During this time my wife broke her ankle and was bed-fast for 3 months. Through this time, friends and family brought food and supplies that enabled us to always have enough. Having been in a similar situation several years before, we have an understanding of what it's like being without.

With the support of friends, and out trust in God, we survived and were blessed incredibly. This holiday season, the celebration of the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, many people need to see Him in flesh and blood; they need you and me!

It's Not All About Me or You!

If you've studied or read about quantum physics, you know that an underlying theory is that we all are a part of the whole, that we are connected in some way. In other words, what we believe and do affects those in our areas of influence. Whether or not we believe the theories of quantum physics, it is true our behavior influences those around us, for good or for bad.

The truth is that most of us are self-centered. That may seem harsh but I doubt few of us have often sacrificed for others to our own hurt. In good times and bad, in the United States at least, we are after what is good for us and what makes us happy.

There is a principle in the Bible called "sowing and reaping." Some churches have used that principle to motivate people to give and to fill church coffers. Whether some admit it or not, sustaining their church or organization is at the root of the teaching. Self-centered was the word I used above. Even if the motive is to serve constituents, the end does not justify the means.

The principle of sowing and reaping, interestingly, is a natural law, like gravity for example. It works in both positive and negative ways. It works whether we believe it or not! How we treat and relate to others today, mirrors how we'll be treated tomorrow.

I know someone whose entire life has been focused on themselves, on their desires and needs. This person does think about others' needs, and even tries to serve others from time to time. Underlying the things the person does, however, is their focus on what they can get back for themselves. This is self-centeredness!

We have to learn how to be "others-centered." Our motives to serve others must first come from a genuine desire to make positive contributions in our circles of influence, not from a desire for personal gain. Yes, it means giving up some of our own desires. The end result is, however, that we will get back more than we give!

The Danger of False Expectations

Some of us don't enjoy communications with others. It may result from our behavior style, a dislike of interaction with others, control motives, our business environment or a hundred other reasons. Whatever the reason, a common result is false expectations of the behavior of others.

When we fail to get the other side of the story, so to speak, most actions we take are centered on ourselves. We look at things from our own point of view and, even though we may spend considerable time thinking about a situation, our actions almost always include expectations of the the response of others. Because these expectations are generally shaped from our own perspective, the responses of others are often different from what we expect.

For many years when I had a business decision to make or when my wife and I faced a significant mutual decision, I'd think about the situation, resolve my concerns and then decide what to do. Once I'd decided, I told my wife what I, or we, were going to do. It took me a lot of years to recognize she needed time to process the situation and my decision. My expectations were that she would just go along with me, and those were false expectations! I'm a little better now but not completely cured!

As you might expect, decision-making in our home usually had pain connected with it! That's the danger of false expectations. When we've determined in our minds what another person should do in response to our plans, it's rare that our self-centered expectations will come to pass. Whether it's a husband and wife team, a business team or other groups of people working toward a common goal, communication and personal interaction go a long way to eliminating the negative results of false expectations.

Post a comment and share how you handle these situations.

Valuing People

I spend a lot of time in hotels and airports while traveling for my work. A lot of the time my mind is on an upcoming event, meeting my deadlines or just getting to my destination. People pass me by and often their presence doesn't even register with me.

The custodian removing trash from the bins, the airline agent behind the ticket counter, the maid in the hallway, the groundskeeper sweeping cigarette butts from the sidewalks or the businessperson hurrying down a concourse all have value. They have value in what they do but, most of all, they have value as people.

The problem is many people have lost sight of their value. Life can be hard and it's not often we have another person express their appreciation of who we are. Telling another person what you like about them is an interesting experience. I had that opportunity last week with a number of young accountants in one of my seminars.

After I finished expressing my appreciation for each one individually, one of the men shared he realized it was time to pay attention to some of the things he needed to change about himself to be a better person. Another man shared he hadn't realized a major strength of his personality. A young woman had tears in her eyes as I spoke my recognition of attributes she longed for others to see in her.

Whether they admit it or not, deep inside everyone wants others to like and appreciate them. We have the opportunity to give bouquets to every person we meet! Post a comment and share an example from your experience of offering appreciation to others.

Taking Offense is a Choice

On my flight to a seminar today, a person behind me kept getting out of their seat by grabbing the top of my seat and pulling themselves up. Each time the person did so, my head was snapped back and forth by the movement. Trying to work, I was interrupted each time. In my younger days, this and other annoyances caused me to take offense...quickly. The result was a sarcastic comment that either wounded or infuriated the other person and caused verbal strife.

It's taken me years but I've finally learned that I can choose to get angry or not. We usually get angry because we want to. We usually take offense because we want to. Whether it's hurt feelings, wounded pride or asserting our rights, the result is almost always some form of strife. Strife is the best way I know of the spend energy negatively. Strife can cause high blood pressure, ulcers and every manner of illness known to man. Strife hinders our ability to think clearly and react properly. Whatever wounds and hurts we've stored in our hearts comes out during strife. Strife makes us like a tube of toothpaste, whatever is on the inside comes out when we get squeezed!

What can we do to stop before we get there? First, we can decide not to enter into strife and stay at peace. My wife started doing this years ago and it probably saved our marriage. Not entering in will involve walking away from a situation for a time, keeping our mouth closed, using soft instead of harsh words and, for some of us, asking for God's grace to help.

Rarely does much positive come out of strife. Whatever does could likely be achieved more quickly and with much less energy peacefully. If resolution of strife isn't possible, leave it alone. Usually in a short time both parties realize their "bad" and difference are easily resolved.

Aside from the "baseball bat approach," what is your favorite way of avoiding offense and strife? Post a comment and share.

Have You Received the Fruit of Your Labor?

This blog is for those of us that have tried our best to behave ethically and do right throughout our lifetimes and haven't been rewarded. We've served others in business, church and relationships but seem to end up on the short end of the stick. We've tried and tried to do right but what we wanted and expected didn't happen. We've cried out in our alone times, "Were is mine?" Some of us have become disillusioned and discouraged and even quit trying. If this is you, this blog is for you.

Here are a few things I've learned through some of these times. I've worked hard at everything I've undertaken in my life but failed a lot. My failures usually occurred not because I didn't do a good job but because I was doing the wrong job! A dog barking up the wrong tree as the old saying goes. Trying to be like other successful people doing something I thought I was to do often led me to the wrong place, or in some cases no place! Trying to perform and compete to be better than others caused me to be exhausted most of the time and not do my best. I worked hard to please and be accepted by others, which made my sense of failure worse when they didn't appreciate my performance. Driven by my heart motives, I was trying hard to get to the wrong place! I never received the fruit (rewards) of my labors. I failed to accomplished my goals in other words.

Because I was working hard and exhausted most of the time, I had little time to be quiet to hear the still, small voice inside me. Whether or not one believes in God or His creation, we are equipped with an inner sense, some people call it a voice, that is constantly trying to tell us the right thing to do. For those that have accepted Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, that voice is recognized as the Holy Spirit of God. In any event, our inner sense, intuition or urging will direct us for good if we listen and follow it.

When my last major project failed, I actually gave up trying to do anything. I remember saying to God, "If there is anything left in my life for me to do, you have to open a door and bring it to me." It was only a few months until doors of opportunity that I had tried to push through in years past began to open...wide. I still had to do the work but it was work that was given to me, not something I had to perform to get. Since then there have been some difficult situations develop but as I trust Him to take me to my destiny I keep making progress.

Here is the bottom line. Jeremiah 29:ll says, "For I (God) know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you; plans to give you hope and a future." Hard for some of us to accept, but the Infinite (God) is greater than the finite (us). When I try to make my own way on my own strength, it's hard. When I cooperate with what God has given me, its easy because He is God and I'm not! Post a comment and share your story.

Are You Working Too Hard?

The purpose of this question is to cause us to focus on why and how we do things. Most of my life I've performed to get others to accept and like me, as well as to achieve my goals. I said I didn't care if they liked me but deep down I did. So, I endeavored to be the best at my work, tried to make others feel comfortable, tried to please my wife and friends and on and on.

I've always been goal-oriented. When I have a purpose before me, I usually spend 110% of my energy and time working towards an accomplishment. In fact, I usually work until I wear out!

This behavior fits with my upbringing, which could be defined as performance orientation. This has always been my subconscious reasoning: the harder I work, the greater the rewards or maybe the more others will like and respect me. It is true that hard work has its rewards but, for some of us, our thinking is rooted in "good boy, bad boy" (or girl) heart motives. When the reasons for performance moves from accomplishing an objective to satisfying dysfunctional needs, we push ourselves to the end of our strengths.

I've been blessed with some new and different work lately. Because I always want to do a good job, I've been working extra hard and long to do the new projects correctly. Planning to work this weekend, I awoke exhausted this morning. A different kind of wake-up call, this usually tells me I'm relying too much on my own strength to meet real or self-imposed deadlines and that I NEED REST!

I forget that when I have adequate rest, I am stronger both physically and mentally. God rested on the seventh day; we need to rest! We can usually accomplish more in less time than when we keep continually pushing ourselves towards a goal. When we slow down or stop for a day or so, we can recharge. Taking our focus off our work enables us to see more clearly how to get where we're going and what we need to change to get there.

Remember the old song? It was by Carly Simon I think:

"I can see clearly now, the rain is gone.
I can see all the obstacles in my way.
All the darkened clouds of gloom are gone.
It's gonna be a bright, bright sunshiny day!"

Try, Try and Try Again

I started a new direction in my training activities today with the launch of 15 weeks of webcasts. Having performed 5 0r 6 webcasts in the past, and having taught live seminars for over 30 years, I thought this would be a simple transition. While my debut was not bad, I failed to allocate time effectively and ended up very rushed to finish on time. This caused my listeners to feel they didn't receive complete coverage of my subject.

Perhaps you've been there. Thinking you could meet the requirements of a task, you finish to find out your performance was less than perfect. How we respond in these circumstances tells a lot about our progress to maturity. I'm still working on getting there!

I have known some who don't take criticism well. Being presented with information that indicates they are less than perfect, their reaction is often blame shifting, denial of facts and even anger. On the other hand, I've worked with many people who welcome constructive criticism and use it to improve.

In my younger years, I used to tell critics to keep their mouths shut. "I'm my own worst critic," I would say. That was probably true since my performance orientation always drove me to seek perfection. The truth is I did need the constructive criticism, and still do! My substandard performances still make me feel bad but, in my later years, I've learned to use the information to be better next time. Using the input of others as we try, try and try again not only helps us do a thing better, it is a mark of maturity.

Are you still trying? Post a comment and share your self-assessment!

If I Don't Toot My Horn No One Will

I spent most of my life trying to make my way. I was aggressive, self-confident and, frankly, prideful. I was proud of what I had accomplished and I was quick to tell you so. I believed that nothing good happened to me unless I made it happen. That worked well until one day I awoke to find all I thought I had slipped through my fingers into failure.

Not once but several times in my life I got caught up in what some call the rat race. None of those situations succeeded. While we should work hard to achieve our life goals, we must be aware that our original intent and purposes can take a back seat to satisfying our personal needs for achievement. This is the test of success!

Our achievements satisfy a need for recognition and acceptance inherent in many of us. It's much like a narcotic or alcohol; it makes us feel good and we want more! Soon, achieving becomes our goal instead of what we set out to do. Everything and everyone around us blurs as we set our sites on the next accomplishment.

People that behave as I once did aren't hard to spot. No matter what they say, every project, every relationship and every action is calculated to benefit themselves. Self-aggrandizement, self-promotion and self-centeredness are words that describe this behavior.

Sometimes this behavior is subtle and hard to spot. The person it controls is often at the center of the "now" thing, often is seen associating with higher ups and appears very popular. Many fail to discern the true heart motives of such persons and are caught up in the feigned enthusiasm and success of self-promoters only to be used and discarded. Once the ant enters the spider's web, only pain will follow!

Beware of the unethical behavior of the self-promoter! From such, flee! Post a comment and tell us about your experiences with such persons.

Are You Good at Self-Exhaltation?

I worked hard for years to sell myself in business, relationships and church. In all of these circumstances, I only felt accepted if my performance was what those over and around me expected or wanted. In fact, I was trained this way as a child. It was "good boy" when I did the right thing; "bad boy" when I didn't. When I messed up, I always tried to cover up, i.e., hide the mistake or attempt to make it seem trivial. All the while, I was selling myself to cover my perceived inadequacies.

On my first job in public accounting I made so many mistakes I was sure I'd be fired every afternoon. I remember the feelings of inadequacy when I went to work for an international CPA firm and received continual criticism for not performing up to expectations. In these and other circumstances, I worked harder, longer and faster than others to cover up my low self-esteem. I told everyone I was the best at what I did even though I didn't believe it! I was good at exalting myself over others.

Old habits are hard to break. My self-esteem has improved through the years as I actually became good at the things I do. Doing things for recognition has given way to learning to be who God made me to be. But the child inside me sometimes still wants to sell himself to be accepted. I has become such a life pattern that I sometimes do it without realizing what I'm doing. For example, someone in one of my recent seminars was offended because they felt my introduction and other comments were self-aggrandizing. This person may have been right because I did what I always do!

I'm very critical of others that exalt themselves, particularly those in leadership positions. It's taken me a long time to understand that, when I perceive the behavior of others in a negative light, God is probably holding up a mirror to my face! The Bible says in Luke 18:14, "...for everyone who exalts himself will be abased, and he who humbles himself will be exalted." The truth is self-exaltation is pride. Pride is the opposite of humility. Pride blocks our success. Humility makes the way for us to be all we can be! More on the power of humility in a future post. Post a comment and share your story!

The Way We've Always Done Things

If it's not broken, don't fix it! Too often I'm happy with the ways I've always done things. I'm usually proactive in my approach to business but my ways of doing things are often rooted in tradition...mine!

On the DISC behavioral profile, I'm a high D and a high C, i.e., highly dominate and highly compliant (rules oriented). Once I adopt a way of doing a thing, I frequently repeat the behavior routinely without thinking. This is both good and not so good.

My behavioral style is good because I make decisions easily and accomplish tasks quickly. It's not so good because I'm often insensitive to the thoughts and needs of others. In other words, they way I've always done things works for me but it may not work for others. My ways may even hurt or offend others.

Good interpersonal skills will always put the needs of other persons first. This requires us to step out of our normal behavior patterns and to become "others centered." To become more effective leaders, we need to think about the needs and objectives of others before we act or speak. When we approach our jobs and relationships in this way, our old ways will rarely impair our success. What do you think?

The Other Person's Point of View

In previous blogs, we've discussed how a person's heart motives, life experiences and learned behaviors affect their ethics and decision-making. Generally, we decide to do what we think is right. We see and interpret facts and circumstances through rose-colored glasses, so to speak.

When my wife and I have had differences of opinion (there have been more than a few!), she has said that we're just looking at different ends of an elephant. You remember the analogy: Several sight-impaired persons holding on to different parts of an elephant (a leg, its tail, its trunk, an ear, etc.) each saw the elephant differently. Same elephant but different views. Our personal views are often derived from what we're holding on to!

I recently found my self in a conflict with a counter party to a contract. In fact, the other party terminated the contract because they believed I had violated its terms. I believed, on the other hand, that I had been careful not to violate the contract terms. After a day or so, I realized that my evaluation of compliance had been solely from my point of view. Looking at the situation from the point of view of the other party, I could see where my behavior could be considered a violation of terms. It was not my intent to violate the terms but I could see from the other person's view how I did.

I felt badly that I had made a serious mistake. Unfortunately, there was no chance to repair the damage. In these situations we can either get mad, sad or glad. I've decided to be glad for the increase in wisdom this situation has provided me! Sometimes we have to learn ethical behavior the hard way! Post a comment and share your learning experiences.

The Trust Factor of Leadership

In his book entitled, "Becoming a Leader, Dr. Miles Munroe discusses many essential characteristics of a true leader. In chapter 3, page 39, Dr. Munroe addresses the trust factor:

"Integrity is the basis of trust which is a product of leadership. It is the one quality that cannot be acquired; it must be earned. It is given by co-workers and followers and without it, the leader cannot function. 'Trust is the product of time and integrity."

Leaders are individuals whose characters have been tested, proven and established as being faithful and trustworthy. Trustworthiness is a product of character and competence, that is who you are and what you can do. Trustworthiness is the foundation of trust. To become an effective leader you must earn the trust and confidence of others."

How often we hear a politician, a CEO, preacher or a president say, "Trust me." The Bible tells us we are to evaluate leaders by their fruit, the results of their behavior. TALK IS CHEAP! At this time in society when people call good evil and evil good, we must follow the true leaders. We can forgive the faults of our leaders, but our trust must be earned. Anybody rated high on your scorecard today? Tell us about that person!

Whose Report Do We Believe?

As bystanders to the political debate over health care, whose words do we accept as true? A barrage of disingenuous television ads, newspaper articles and unsolicited emails attempt to sway us to a person's or a party's way of thinking. Misinformation, claims without supporting facts and blatant lies cloud a clear understanding of the facts. How do we know who is telling the truth and who isn't?

Biblical principles tell us to judge a person by their fruit, whether it's good or it's bad. In some cases, that is easy; in others, it's not! In politics, most fruit is hybrid. As it grew from a pure blossom to eatable fruit, it was contaminated by compromise, personal agendas and even corruption. In fact, one might conclude there is no longer any such thing as good political fruit!

I'm going out on a limb to submit there is only one valid set of standards to measure the words of another. Those are the standards of the creator of heaven, earth and all that is within them. I'm sure some will say, "I don't believe in God." To them I'd respond, it doesn't matter what you believe about God.

While documented in the Holy Bible, the life of person Jesus the Nazarene was also documented by many Jewish historians that lived during his time. To born-again Christians, Jesus is the only begotten Son of God, Lord and Savior of their lives. He lived his life to demonstrate God's principles of truth. Whether or not one believes in God, the life and behavior of the historical Jesus demonstrates standards of right living. His life demonstrates truth and is the only absolute standard one can use to determine truth.

So, here it is. If any person, government official, politician, news reporter, corporate leader, president, congressperson, senator, preacher, friend or foe, speaks words or takes actions that are contrary to the documented life of Jesus, they are not truth and should not be accepted or tolerated. In a court of law, a witness is required to swear his/her testimony is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help them God! Anything short of that is a lie, spoken by a liar! Whose report will you believe?

Do As I Say, Not As I do

We hear a lot about the "tone at the top" these days. In discussions of business, politics or church, the character of leaders is often made public in the media. What we've come to understand is that not all leaders do as they say. Some CEOs promote a code of conduct but backdate documents to their advantage. Most political leaders criticize the behavior of other politicians and then cover up or justify their own similar behavior. Some church pastors criticize other pastors and, yet, live with sin in their own lives.

Despite ethical codes of conduct and Biblical standards of behavior, we like to do what we like to do! Oops! I included you and I with the visible ones. It's time to be honest. I know the right things to do. Sometimes, I just don't want to do them! I don't want you to know that, however, because I think I could lose the high regard I believe you have for me! If I can tell everyone what is wrong with the world then maybe I can change it, myself excluded of course. Hopefully, I will be remembered in history as a person that did good, even though I wasn't! Silly, isn't it?

Hypocritical behavior only produces temporary change. Rules made by people for the purpose of controlling or manipulating others have no lasting effects. Only the demonstration of genuine, good character can have leave a positive legacy for others. In the movie Gladiator, General Maximus said it clearly. He stirred his men to demonstrate "strength and honor" by this phrase, "What you do here today will echo throughout eternity." Then, he did what he said!

Caring and Compassion vs. Judgment

I have to admit it. Sometimes I have little compassion for others. No, most of the time I don't! I want to, but the things in my heart get in the way. Take people that are suffering, for example, financially, physically or in other ways. Financially because they've lived beyond their means for years or physically because they've not taken care of their bodies. Or when they've lived a lie or made stupid decisions that have brought hurtful consequences. I struggle with caring and having compassion for these people. My natural tendency is to judge them, at least in my mind. How about you?

I don't know about you, but I usually end up feeling guilty about my judgments of others, about my lack of compassion. Guilt comes mostly because I do or have done the same things! Worse than being a hypocrite, I know my judgments can affect the ability of other persons to grow beyond their faults. I also know what I sow, I reap!

My mother, for example, lived in fear most of the later years of her life. Fear is high on the list of items I judged quickly and I spoke about her fear often. One day someone rebuked me for my condemning words. This person told me that change could only happen when I stopped judging her with my words. I stopped and she began to change! Not only that, I began (I said began!) to judge others less often.

For change to happen in our lives, caring and compassion must go beyond tolerance of others faults. Our actions must line up with our heart motives. Our heart motives can only change by making change a priority and by seeking divine counsel and assistance. Seeking revelation of God's words in the Holy Bible, meditating on scriptures, seeking instruction from seasoned mentors and developing relationships with other like-minded persons provide a framework for change. Whether in business or in our personal lives, our ability to care and have compassion for others is a crucial building block in developing our ethics for success!

Do Codes of Conduct Ensure Ethical Behavior?

With the passage of the Sarbanes-Oxley Act in 2002 came the requirement for publicly-held companies to establish and communicate a code of conduct for their businesses. Most professions, like the CPA profession, have had codes of conduct for decades. Many governmental entities and their employees are required by law to adhere to certain ethical practices. Listening to the daily news, however, may cause us to wonder if any of these codes of conduct work! In this blog and several to follow, I'll discuss this important issue.

In past blogs, I've discussed the impact of heart issues on our behavior. If the life experiences stored in our hearts lead us to unethical or even criminal behavior, a code of conduct probably won't change us. On the other hand if we are unaware of acceptable standards of behavior, the framework of such a code may help us discern right from wrong.

Perhaps a more important issue affecting the results of establishing a code of conduct are its underlying principles. Are they created by man for the benefit of man or are the principles rooted in a stronger power? In other words, are the principles based on man's standards or are they God's? Whether we believe in God or not, many business leaders have learned that principles demonstrated by the historical life of Jesus Christ are highly effective in business. A book written by a well-known business consultant, Laurie Beth Jones, entitled Jesus, CEO--Using Ancient Wisdom for Visionary Leadership, is an excellent source of study if you are interested.

In this series of blogs, I'll present components of a business code of conduct based on God's standards from the Holy Bible. Many of these principles have been incorporated in the business practices of small and large businesses; they are the foundation of ethics for success! Come follow me on this journey!

Has Lying Become an Acceptable Business Practice?

While a friend was visiting from out of state, the transmission on his van began leaking. Since there was no loss of functionality, he drove the van to a new car dealership for inspection. The service consultant explained an internal seal had broken and the metal around the seal was damaged, which required replacement of an expensive part. The original repair estimate of $700 was now $2,100! Not only did the repair estimate triple, the service consultant said the part had to be shipped in and the job could not be completed for three days! Questioned about their diagnosis, it became apparent the dealership had not disassembled the transmission and could not have known that the internal seal was broken and that the part was damaged! Some might call this scenario extortion but, at best, it is lying and is not acceptable!

Spending a few minutes on the phone with the owner of a reputable transmission service, my friend was given a worst-case repair estimate of $1,100 (including a free tow to their location). Transmission service employees worked over night and into the weekend to complete the repair job, installed several parts at no charge and enabled my friend to return to his home in time for the first school day for his children! Amazingly, the owner told my friend that he could call with his credit card number when he returned home!

What a contrast: Unethical business practices versus the highest standards of integrity! The owner of the transmission service and his employee (Colorado Transmission Service in Colorado Springs) demonstrated their servant hearts and Christian values by putting my friend's needs before their own! These are ethics for success!

The Land of the Free

If I'm not mistaken, the right to free speech was given to U.S. citizens in the constitution. This includes the right to choose when to speak, what to say and how to say it. Long before the constitution, God created mankind with a free will. Free will gives us a choice in everything we do and say.

Because we have a free will and the right to free speech, we can choose to lie or tell the truth. We can speak softly or yell loudly. We can behave with the highest integrity or with the lowest morals. We can tell others to do as we say and do the opposite ourselves. We can be honest or dishonest. Whatever we consider or do in life, the choice is ours.

To make the right choice, there must be a standard to guide us. Your beliefs may not be the same as mine so your choices will likely be different than mine unless we both use the same standard. When we are no longer free to choose a standard, we are no longer free. When we are told what we must believe or do by a government, by an employer or by a church, erosion of freedom has begun.

You may be aware that our government has asked that we inform officials of individuals that are critical of government policies and proposed legislation, particularly government-run health care. You probably also have heard certain politicians say that it is un-American to speak publicly against politicians at town hall meetings. We are witnessing the heart motives of a government administration that has created its own standards which they are attempting to force on you and me. Not only are we facing severe limitations of our freedoms by the current administration, proposed health care and other legislation is intended by its proponents to be the only standard we can choose. Standards for ethics, integrity and behavior will be set by bureaucrats. The land of the free will be no longer! Speak now or forever hold your peace!

The Ultimate Unethical Behavior--Deception

From my study of business law years ago, I remember that contracts are only valid if both parties understand the contents of the contract. Laws have been enacted that allow unilateral cancellation of certain contracts within a number of days of signing to make sure all parties understand the effects of the contract. One of the purposes of these and other statutory protections is to prevent one party from taking advantage of another through deception.

Deception is simply defined as the act of deceiving or misleading. I suppose that act could be unintentional but in most cases there is a purpose. Years ago I purchased a vehicle from a classified ad in the newspaper. When I inspected the vehicle, the owner told me is was in good condition. After trusting his words, I found out later the engine had so many problems it needed to be misplaced! Yes, I was naive. I should have had the car checked out by a mechanic. Instead, I trusted the owner and was deceived.

You may be aware that this same situation is happening to us every day in our government. Leaders we should be able to trust are telling us how good proposed legislation will be for us as they rush to make it law before anyone, including members of congress, has time to read and understand its contents. Politicians, many of them lawyers, are voting on bills designed along party lines that they have not read in detail. With a means justifies the end attitude, the current administration is passing legislation that is more than deceptive, some of its provisions are evil!

If you don't believe me, consider just two examples. First, the Cash for Clunkers bill seems like a good deal since a lot of people get new cars. To reduce the use of fossil fuels, we're told, the older vehicles and all their parts are being destroyed. While many lower income families don't have transportation to get them to work, these "clunkers" (many of which are in decent running condition!) are being demolished. Then there is the debt on the new car. Credit got this nation into the problem we face, so more credit is going to get us out? Right. Oh, don't forget the clause in the bill that requires every computer used by dealers to file for the rebates to become government property! No deception here!

Do you have the stomach for one more example? I think most of us, regardless of political affiliation, would like to see health care for everyone. That would be good. So when we hear politicians talking about how good government-run health care will be, we trust they have our best interests at heart. In fact, we trust them so much we don't read the bill and fight to the death with anyone that is critical of its contents. One read of even a summary of the bill will reveal that the government, now our god, has the power over life and death--ours! Killing the young and the old will now be powers of bureaucrats under government-run health care! Among the many limitations of freedom in the bill, you'll also find the requirement for each of us to provide our personal banking information, along with electronic funds transfer authorization, to the highly-reliable voter registration organization, ACORN!

Here's how I see the progression: Failure to conduct the affairs of business, politics and personal lives ethically has bred unethical behavior as a norm. Most unethical behavior is supported by deception. Eventually, deception gives birth to blatant evil. Has this happened to our nation? You be the judge!

Is Bias Unethical?

A recent article in the online Denver Post written by a (Canadian) clinical psychologist touted the perfection of the Canadian socialized health care system. Analytical facts were presented to illustrate that Americans have no reason to be concerned about Democratic legislation that is being formulated by congress and the president. Many blog comments following this article, however, seem to indicate that most of the facts in the article are not true.

If we assume the majority consensus of the bloggers is true, what are we to believe about the so-called facts presented by the author of the article? Do we assume that the author intentionally lied to make herself look good or to support her opinion? Probably not. Do we assume that she simply made mistakes when presenting her "facts?" Giving her the benefit of the doubt, maybe. Finally, is there a possibility that her words were shaped by personal or professional bias? This is most likely the correct answer.

Some would say that bias is simply one's expression of personal opinion about a subject or situation. Others would say that bias is a lie because it distorts the truth. From Wikipedia.com, here is a definition of bias:

"Bias is a term used to describe a tendency or preference towards a particular perspective, ideology or result, especially when the tendency interferes with the ability to be impartial, unprejudiced, or objective. In other words, bias is generally seen as 'one-sided'."

The truth is that we are all biased about certain subjects, and that isn't necessarily wrong or unethical. When biased statements are made, and represented as fact or truth however, it is wrong and unethical. Bias presented in this way is a lie!

So, you might ask, is my opinion biased? I admit it is biased. Is it wrong or unethical? I believe it is not wrong or unethical because it is based on the absolute truth of the Bible. Romans 1:18: "For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who suppress the truth in unrighteousness." One-sided personal or professional bias that is presented as absolute fact is a suppression of the truth and is, therefor, unethical and a lie. What's your opinion or...bias?

Should Ethical Behavior Be Legislated?

When the Sarbanes Oxley Act was passed in 2002, it included a requirement for publicly-held companies to create a code of conduct for managements and employees. The content of such codes set standards of acceptable behavior and included safe-harbor provisions for whistleblowers. Under these codes of conduct, inappropriate behaviors can result in warnings, even termination.

Interestingly, many people believe these mandated codes of conduct do little to change the behavior of employees. While they may define right and wrong for some that don't have a proper understanding, persons prone to unethical behavior will likely behave unethically!

Governments pass laws to define and establish acceptable behavior. The Ten Commandments offer Judeo-Christian definitions of righteousness. Societial norms contribute to some degree of understanding of "good" and "bad." So, many ask, will mandated codes of conduct cause anyone to change their behavior?

Reported on the morning news today, the democratically-controlled House of Representatives censured the use of the words "government-run healthcare." That a governmental body would try to limit free speech is, first of all, a violation of the constitutional rights of U.S. Citizens. Secondly, it is further indication the government is no longer by the people for the people but by factions of the government for the government!

Historically, excessive governmental control has resulted in suppression of the rights of people and/or in rebellion and wars. I remember an old movie, The Network I think it was called. In a near-final scene a man stood at his window and shouted, "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore!" When rules favor any kind of government and become oppressive and unreasonable, cooperation is not the result!

Most will agree we need laws, regulations and even codes of conduct to define behavior. When guidelines restrict personal freedoms for the benefit of governments, managements, political parties, church leaders or individuals, however, there can be no common purpose or unity. The end is division and downfall! What is your opinion?

What You Sit Under Gets on You!

In business we call it the "tone at the top." What leaders do, so will others. If leadership is honest and demonstrates high integrity, followers will behave similarly. On the other hand, the "do as I say, not as I do" philosophy will not produce honesty and high integrity. Like it or not, behavioral norms are shaped by those that influence us, directly or indirectly.

When we work for a company, subject ourselves to government leaders, listen or view biased news media or attend a church we are affected, positively or negatively. I think it was Hitler that said something like, "If you tell a lie long enough it will eventually sound like the truth!" While lying may not be the intention of many partisan politicians today, the disingenuous party line has been spoken for so long it sounds like the truth. For many business leaders, employee motivation techniques have become manipulation. For some religious leaders, serving the needs of others has become empire building instead of Kingdom building.

We can easily become like the frog placed in a pan of cool water. It doesn't recognize the temperature is being increased until it is too late. Our tolerance of lies and unethical behavior of leaders in business, government and religion gradually shapes our belief systems to be like those over us. Our consciences become seared, like with a hot iron, and we become like them! 1 Thessalonians 5:21-22 says, "Test all things; hold fast what is good. Abstain from every form of evil."

Let your "Yes" be "Yes and your "No," "No"

The American Dictionary of the English Language by Noah Webster, 1828 Edition, defines "ingenuous" as "open, frank, fair, candid, and free from reserve, disguise, equivocation or dissimulation." "Disingenuous" is the opposite.

In today's politics and news reporting, the word "spin" has become synonymous with the word "disingenuous," at least in reference to spoken and written words. Questions asked are rarely answered with direct answers. Answers are designed to be non-answers and to direct listener's attention to a person's position, belief or dogma. We may hear partial truths or outright lies designed to cover the truth. Leaders may be saying one thing while their staff persons are doing the opposite. This is "spin" and it is "disingenuous!"

A passage of Scripture in Matthew 5:33-37 concludes with this: "But let your 'Yes" be 'Yes,' and your 'No, 'No.' For whatever is more than these is from the evil one." "Spin" has become normal for today's communications and, because prominent people do it, much of society accepts it as permissible. Here's the truth. "Spin," or "disingenuous" words, are LIES! Deceitful, dishonest or criminal are progressive adjectives describing the "spin" that cloaks private agendas of politicians, political parties and others in our society today.

I'm ashamed to admit that, occasionally, I have fallen prey to this societal norm. How about you?

The Ethics of the Blame Game

A recent television commercial features business persons in a meeting discussing their competition's market advantage. One person makes the suggestion they take turns blaming others as he turns to the person across the table and says, "I'd like to start by blaming (name of person)." Intended as humor, this scenario is deeply serious! Sadly, the blame game affects us all.

In our country and others, what we believe often becomes the definition of who we are. Once we've adopted a belief system, we must defend that system because we must defend ourselves. When our beliefs are challenged, we retaliate. Some times we attack the beliefs of others and sometimes we blame our perceived adversaries for the fruit of our own mistakes.

As old as time, this unethical behavior began with the first man in the Book of Genesis. He blamed the woman; the woman blamed the serpent. The fear of being wrong and the pride hidden in our hearts results in regular episodes of the blame game.

From corporate managements to political leaders, news reporters and sometimes you and me, the name of the game has become blame. The Book of First John, chapter 1, verse 8: "If we say we have no sin (wrong), we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us." Ethical behavior will always cause us to "fess up" when we are in the wrong, not just when we are caught and exposed!

Perhaps our society has come to think that it's alright to be a "little" unethical if it can be justified by the end. In other words, a little blame is permissible if it enables us to achieve a good end. I once heard this on-point analogy: Walking into a convenience store to buy a bottle of water, we begin to read the labels. One bottle says 100% pure spring water. Another says 99.5% pure spring water and .5% sewage. Which one would you buy?

Has Right Become Wrong?

You've undoubtedly seen, heard or read the media feeding frenzy over the resignation of Gov. Sarah Palin. An NBC interviewer last evening used her pre-designed questions, facial expressions and demeanor to paint the governor as a quitter at the end of her political career. Finally, Gov. Palin said, "You're not listening to me," as she explained again her reasons for leaving office. At the top of the list was her desire not to burden the people of the State of Alaska with the time and cost of defending herself against unfounded, outrageous allegations. She explained she could not do her job effectively and deal with the piranha attacks at the same time. Putting aside her future possibilities she has made a decision to do the right thing, even to her own hurt!

Contrast this with President Obama who, during his first term in the Senate, spent most of his time campaigning for president instead of fulfilling his sworn duties of office. I don't remember him offering to reimburse you and I for the amount of the salary he received while pursuing his presidential aspirations. Was there a media outcry over this misuse of public funds? Of course not! When an unethical practice has become the norm, no one notices. When someone does the right thing, it is an abomination!

Proverbs 14:12: "There is a way which seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death." So, what do you think? Has right become wrong?

Is Man's Wisdom Enough?

You've heard sayings like, "Experience is the best teacher" or "Practice makes perfect." Old proverbs, some would call them. The question for today is, "Are these sayings really true?" Another way of phrasing the question would be, "Are our own experiences and efforts all we need for success in life or business?"

I suppose the answer depends, at least in part, on our definition of success. For many in the U.S., success is defined as wealth, position, possessions and sometimes philanthropy. In third world countries, it may simply be food for one's family. In the eternal view of things, the measure may be the fruit of our lives, i.e., how did we use what we earned or were given to serve mankind.

Here is a paraphrase of what I remember a preacher said once , "I've visited many self-made men and women as they lay on their death beds and I can't remember one of them expressing remorse that they didn't spend more time working. Their remorse was almost always for not spending more quality time with their friends and families."

Man's wisdom may say success comes from working harder and longer than others, from putting one's career above the needs of others or from using other people as stepping stones to success. God's wisdom says in Proverbs 3:5-7, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and depart from evil."

So, is man's wisdom enough? What would you say?

Wisdom--The Pathway to Success

Whether or not one believes God created the earth and all that is in it, most can agree we all have an internal sense of right and wrong. Previous blogs have discussed how our thinking and actions are affected by our life experiences, good or bad. We all possess, however, an inner source of information that equips us to do the right thing. Many call that source "Wisdom."

When we make mistakes, Wisdom has either become clouded by past bad behavior or decisions, we seek to do what we want no matter what, or we are in too much of a hurry to listen to our consciences. Seeking and applying Wisdom will create a pathway to our success.

Wisdom is sometimes defined as the application of knowledge or understanding. However you may define Wisdom, it is a life ingredient that shapes our character, i.e., teaches us to do what is right.

Bobby is an old friend that has run an automobile repair business in a rural community for decades. In serving his customers, his policy is to honor his customers, even to his own hurt. He shared once that after replacing an engine in an expensive car, the owner ignored the new engine warning indicators for several weeks until it caught fire. The customer, of course, blamed Bobby for faulty installation. Rather than contend with and loose the customer, Bobby replaced the engine free of charge. While this wouldn't appear as Wisdom to some of us, Bobby's decision kept this customer and the word-of-mouth advertising brought him many more.

When we find Wisdom, it often takes courage and discipline to act on it. Bobby's decision to replace the engine free of charge dug deep into his business profits but he knew it was the right thing to do. Proverbs, chapter two, verses 10-11: "When wisdom enters your heart, and knowledge is pleasant to your soul, discretion will preserve you; understanding will keep you,..."

Doing the Right Thing is Always a Choice!

I volunteered for several years to counsel inmates in a Colorado prison. Every inmate was incarcerated because of bad choices. Most didn't learn from their mistakes and soon returned after their release. Many had knowledge of right and wrong but, for a myriad of reasons, chose to ignore the wisdom the consequences of their mistakes afforded.

Most of these prisoners had justified their crimes in their minds. They blamed others for their wrong and minimized their responsibilities for doing the right thing (some call this the victim mentality). The truth is they ignored that still small voice some call our conscience. In fact, after living a life of wrong choices most of their consciences had been dulled or even had become nonexistent.

In Proverbs, chapter 1, verses 20-33, the consequences of wrong choices become clear. Every human being is created with an internal sense of right and wrong; we can call it Wisdom. Whether or not a person believes in God is not the point. Deciding to break our pattern of wrong decisions is. When this happens we begin to trust the Wisdom within and we can chose the right thing!

Avoid Bad Company

The first time I started a CPA firm was over 30 years ago, yet I still remember the hard learned lessons. After developing a relationship with an atypical banker, I found myself on the receiving end of a number of questionable client referrals. Because I needed the cash flow, I accepted a number of clients that I knew had less than high integrity. They, in turn, referred their friends of similar character. From that list of clients, two went to jail for fraud and one sued me for a large penalty resulting from a wage and hour audit!

From chapter 1, verses 8 through 19 in the Book of Proverbs, we are warned to stay away from persons who have questionable character. We may think we can prevent their unacceptable behavior from affecting us, but that is often not the case. We may think our stand for integrity will cause them to change, but their heart attitudes usually prevent that from happening. Many well-meaning individuals have reached out to befriend unethical people and become just like them!

A man I met years ago told me he was called to "hold hands" with large number of people. He meant, of course, that he felt he was to develop business and personal relationships with a lot of people. He went on to say that there were only a few of those people, however, he was to "get in bed with." He went on to explain that only a few people could be trusted in close, personal relationships and that it was those long-term relationships he sought.

The lesson in all of this is that relationships with "good company" brings more good company. Good company helps us grow and prosper. Avoiding bad company can save our lives and our businesses!

Getting the Counsel of Others

As we have discussed in previous blogs, a person's behavior is conditioned through life experiences. Because of this, our ways usually seem right to us. In fact, our desire to do or be something will often block our ability to see or understand pitfalls that may await us. What may seem normal behavior to us, may actually be extreme behavior to others!

Many investors were ruined financially by Bernie Madoff's Ponzei Scheme. While it is likely most of these investors did some background investigation of Madoff's organization before investing, the opportunity to earn large returns may have affected their decision-making. For example, rather than questioning how this organization could pay high rates of return when others could not, potential investors may have acted on persuasive comments made by their friends or other investors.

It would take both my hands and feet to count the many times I have made investments, or pursued a business or personal venture, simply because I wanted to do the thing. Often ignoring wise counsel, I plunged wholeheartedly into something that was out of its time or not for me to do. I can't count one instance of success when I have done this.

Here is a life principal that works. Proverbs, chapter 1, verse 5 states: "A wise man will hear and increase learning, and a man of understanding will acquire wise counsel." Listening, learning and understanding are the basic principles for success in business, work and life!

Ethical Principles That Work

In the weeks to come, we'll be exploring a series of ethical principles from the Book of Proverbs in the Holy Bible. Whether or not you believe the Bible is God's Word, or whether or not you consider yourself a spiritual person, these Biblical principles work for you as they have worked for others for centuries.

There are two requirements, however, for these principles to work in our lives. First, we must decide to believe they will work. More than mental assent, we must believe these principles in our hearts. Second, we must apply these principles to bless others, not ourselves. A Biblical principle many call the "Golden Rule" works to cause others to treat us they way we treat them. "What we sow, we reap." In applying Biblical principles to bless others, we can create a huge tidal wave of blessings for ourselves and our families.

I observed the Golden Rule at work through an old friend years ago; his name is Steve. Steve is the person we often talk about that would "give you the shirt off his back." Steve managed rental properties for me after his layoff from a steel mill. Anything I needed done, anytime night or day, Steve would do. Steve went the extra mile for all his friends and family. If someone needed money, he was there to help even though he didn't have much himself. Steve served others with his time and his money every day we were together. He started a small residential repair business in the 1980s. From the beginning of this business, Steve and his crew have always had work, even when others didn't! Steve planted seeds that brought him an abundance of friends and life fulfillment. What Steve gave to others, he is still getting back!

The Biblical principle of sowing and reaping, like many life principles in the Book of Proverbs, is a natural law that always works. If one sows good behaviors, he/she gets a good return on investments in others. Join us in the weeks to come as we explore "ethical principles that work!"

IS IT OK TO BE LESS THAN 100% ETHICAL?

The answer to this question probably depends on who you ask, when. Many Americans felt the moral indescretions of some past presidents didn't affect their ability to govern the U.S. A majority of the U.S. Congress apparently feels it is permissable to make certain obvious errors on personal tax returns since they've confirmed appointments to public office that have not filed past returns correctly. Stockholders of some large companies that have incurred significant losses must feel that huge bonuses to management personnel are acceptable since these individuals are allowed to remain in office. Some church members seem to tolerate sexual and other indescretions in their leaders since some are still leading congregations. Certain talk show hosts and motivational leaders adopt their own doctrines and philosophies which are supported by large numbers of followers even though there is no authoritative support for their opinion.

So... is it really OK to be less than 100% ethcial? Is it appropriate to justify our innappropriate behavior because others do it? Is it right to blame others for causing our indescretions? Is it right to set up our own standards of behavior as a doctrine which we expect or encourage others to live by? Are some indescretions, mistakes, or illegal behaviors unimportant?

If you ask this author, my answer to all these questions is absolutely not! If we are to conduct our lives with high integrity, we must have some common standard for behavior. Most people believe their standards are the right ones. This wouldn't be a problem if everyone believed as we do. The problems arise when we differ with others. Criminals' standards are different from most law-abiding citizens, for example. For most of us, it's not acceptable to steal, rape, molest, or murder. For some criminals, it is acceptable. Situational or behaviorial ethics of man must have a common foundation to provide accountability for inappropriate behaviors.

Only God's standards in the Holy Bible can provide a common standard for accountability. Any other standard is relavent to a lesser authority. Before I'm accused of being a self-righteous Bible thumper, let me be the first to say I am not perfect. I make mistakes, even commit sin as defined by the Holy Bible. My heart desire is to have high integrity in all areas of my life and I make a conscious effort to live that way. When I become aware of my failures, I attempt to take responsibility for my part, make amends with others and, when necessary, make restitution. Most of all, I ask my God for forgiveness for my actions or words and for His help to live according to His Way in the future.

What do you think? Should we accept or tolerate inappropriate behaviors of politicians, corporate management and church leaders? Can we justify acting in ways that seem right only in our eyes? Is it OK to be a little unethical because "everyone does it?" Post your comment!

QUALIFICATIONS FOR LEADERSHIP

In Miles Monroe's book, Becoming a Leader, he makes this statement in chapter 8:

"The quality of your character is the measure of your leadership effectiveness. Effective leadership is essentially built on the foundation of inspiration that breeds confidence in one's character. In its truest form it is the perfect balance of competence, vision and virtue. Competence or knowledge without vision breeds technocrats. Virtue without vision and knowledge breeds ideologies. Vision without virtue and knowledge, breeds demagogue. True leadership cannot be divorced from the basic qualities that produce good sound character. It involves the total person and therefore cannot be relegated to a professional compartment of our lives."

In the next few blogs, we'll focus on the character necessary for effective leadership in politics, management and in our personal lives. Effective leaders must demonstrate they are worthy of the trust of followers. Followers will react negatively or positively to a leader based on a number of factors but, most importantly, they will react based on whether they think they can trust the leader's character. Further, a follower's personal belief system will influence his/her decision to trust a leader. In other words, the more a follower believes, thinks and acts like a leader, the more they are likely to trust him or her.

In previous blogs, I've discussed the effects of our past experiences and heart wounds on our behavior and on our integrity. In the same way our personal behavior and integrity have been shaped by our past experiences, so is our evaluation of a leader's character. For example, if we have strong administrative abilities, we usually like and trust a leader that is administratively strong. If we like to be merciful and gracious to others, we like a leader that is the same. If we believe that most people are honest and good, then we'll likely trust a leader based on what he or she says. If our life experiences make it difficult to trust, we'll usually look beyond the leader's words before we extend our trust. And so on.

From recent political history we can see some cases on point. After the sexual indiscretions of a U.S. president were made public, many people commented that these events didn't affect his ability to run our country. Numerous politicians have been found guilty of violations of law, lately the tax law, and still appointed or elected to their offices without any public outcry. An eloquent public speaker such as our current president seems to be trusted based on his words, even though the many of the laws and actions being enacted have been tried and failed in this country and others. Some believe many people trust and follow a leader based on his promises in the hope they will be true. This brings us back to the opening words by Miles Monroe expressed this way, effective leadership is the perfect balance of competence, vision and virtue.

Retiring after several terms served, a U.S. senator stated that he could no longer be part of a system that required compromise of one's integrity and values to succeed. On the other hand, some people believe that some influence of a person's character (a senator in this case), even if compromised by the system of government, is better than no influence in their absence.

What do you think? Does a person's character, their integrity and honesty, influence their work and personal lives? What do you believe? What is the foundation of your belief system?

WHERE HAS INTEGRITY GONE?

Since the word integrity seems to have gone the way of relativism, here is an early definition from Webster’s American Dictionary of the English Language, 1828 Edition:

"Integrity: The entire unimpaired state of anything, particularly of the mind; moral soundness or purity; incorruptness; uprightness; honesty. Integrity comprehends the whole moral character, but has a special reference to uprightness in mutual dealings, transfers of property, and agencies for others."

Cough! Choke! Where has integrity gone? Is it in corporate management? How about politicians? Is it a characteristic of the church? Do we see it in our current president? Do his appointees have it? Do you and I have integrity? When asked if they have high integrity, most people will answer "yes." On the other hand when asked if one's integrity affects their ability to do a job or hold an office, the answer is "no." The real question is, "does integrity really matter anymore?"

Here is a brief list of "polling" questions to get your input. Be honest, please!

1. Have highly publicized corporate frauds ever created justification for our cheating "just a little bit?" We're thinking about little things like leaving work half an hour early, answering personal emails or phone calls during work hours, or requesting reimbursement for a $50 meal when we only spent $5.

2. Does the apparent fact that many politicians don't pay all their income taxes, take contributions in return for favors, or blame others for problems they've created cause us to consider doing the same?

3. Do the publicized actions of fallen religious leaders affect our faith and personal integrity?

Let me know what you think about these issues and I'll discuss your comments in a future blog.

THE BEHAVIOR OF MAN

Our life experiences both good and bad, along with the influence of one’s culture and genetic makeup, result in behavioral patterns that can be identified by several different personality inventory systems. One such system, called the Personal Profile System by Dr. John Geier, often referred to as the DISC model of behavior, is widely used to assess the strengths and weaknesses in one’s behavior. The book, Understanding How Others Misunderstand You, by Ken Voges & Ron Braund discusses the four behavioral styles:

D ominant & Decisive--Goal: Authority and Action
I nfluencing & Interactive--Goal: Persuasion & Popularity
S teadiness & Supportive--Goal: Cooperation & Caring
C ompliant & Cautious--Goal: Conscientious & Consistent

While every person may possess some of each of these styles, a person tends to function in the style that is most comfortable, especially when under stress. A person’s style is neither good nor bad and can be a strength or a weakness depending on how and when it is applied. Because our behavior is mostly learned, most of it can be changed. As one matures and his or her character is developed, the person’s predominant style may be altered. Unless there is conscious effort made to change, however, most people subconsciously default to their “comfort-zone” style.

So, what does all this have to do with ethics? Simply, a code of ethics or conduct is behavior that begins with what one believes in their heart. A harden criminal, for example, could not be influenced by a written code of conduct. On the other hand, a person with a “live and let live” philosophy could not be expected to report an ethics violator. Our behavioral style influences our personal ethics, i.e., “who we are.” Understanding our behaviors helps us understand others. Understanding the behavior and ethics of co-workers, business contacts and friends can empower us to chose relationships carefully and can have direct effects on our future and success.

THE DRIVING FORCE OF MANKIND

The driving force of mankind underpinning all issues of ethics is a person's heart motives. Scientific research of our heart’s influence on our lives was published by Doc Childre and Howard Martin in a book called The Heartmath Solution by HarperCollins in 2000. An excerpt from page 4 reads:

“Over the past twenty years, scientists have discovered new information about the heart that makes us realize it’s far more complex than we’d every imagined. We now have scientific evidence that the heart sends us emotional and intuitive signals to help govern our lives. Instead of simply pumping blood, it directs and aligns many systems in the body so that they can function in harmony with one another. And although the heart is in constant communication with the brain, we know that it makes many of its own decisions.

Because of this new evidence, we have to rethink our entire attitude toward ‘following our hearts.’ At the Institute of HeartMath (IHM), scientists have found that the heart is capable of giving us messages and helping us far more than anyone ever suspected. Throughout this book, we’ll share the research that provides new evidence of the power of heart intelligence. And we’ll show how that intelligence can have a measurable impact on our decision-making, our health problems, our productivity at work, our children’s learning ability, our families, and the overall quality of our lives.”

Someone once said, “A man is like a tube of toothpaste. When he’s squeezed, what’s on the inside of him comes out!” Psychologists have long said that the hurts and wounds from one’s early childhood, even while in the womb, can determine and influence behavior throughout one’s life. The New Testament of the Bible contains verses like, “Out of the abundance of the heart a man speaks” and “As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.”

In the book, The HeartMath Solution, scientists have proven that one’s “heart code” determines their behavior and influences the environment around them. Maybe it can be said this way: Whatever we believe in our hearts will guide our lives and influence our ethics. So, for example, if one thinks all blue collar workers are immature, have no common sense or need constant supervision, all blue collar workers working for that person will be treated in ways that support those beliefs. Worse yet, blue collar workers treated in line with these beliefs are likely to produce behaviors that demonstrate immaturity, lack of common sense and the need for close supervision.

A CPA once shared a story about one of his new clients. When she asked the CPA to prepare her tax return, the new client said that she had not had “good luck” with CPAs. She related that they had all made mistakes on her tax returns that cost her “lots of money.” When the CPA completed the return and presented it to his client, the client found several significant errors! In one instance, the CPA had put his personal social security number in the space provided for the client’s social security number!  The beliefs in our hearts can influence both our actions and those of others.

A person’s ethical behaviors are often learned or inherited.  Most importantly, they can result from character growth and development. One’s personal ethical responsibility is to make daily decisions based on pure heart motives, i.e., to do the right thing, at the right time and in the right way. Understanding one's heart motives is the beginning of applying ethics for success!

WHERE DO WE GET OUR PERSONAL ETHICS?

How many grains of sand are there on a seashore? Obviously, more than any of us can count. There are probably the same number of influences on our personal ethics. Here are a few significant influences I can think of:

• Our parents and family
• The community in which we live
• The state or country in which we live
• The time period to which we were born
• Societal values and mores
• Political figures
• Sports heroes
• Religion
• Career
• TV and movie stars
• Spouse, children and grandchildren
• Peers
• Life experiences

It is likely you can think of many others. Readers of this blog would like to hear your story. Tell me about what or who you believe has had the most signifcant influence on your personal ethics, either good or bad. I'll group your responses into areas and share some of your stories in this blog (anonymously of course).

I'll get the ball rolling. I grew up in a small midwestern town in the 1940s. The county seat of a farming community, long hours of hard work, honesty and integrity typified the values of most residents. Entertainment was a 5 cent movie on Saturday (for us kids) and sitting in my Dad's 49 Mercury on main street watching people on Saturday night. Family activities included fishing trips, camping in our RV (a built-out school bus), and occasional meals with aunts, uncles and cousins. My mother and father didn't go to church with any regularity but a pastor from our neighborhood took me to church most Sundays. So, my town, my friends and family and the era in which I grew up gave me a desire to live my life with integrity.

My father owned and operated a real "service station," practically 24 hours a day since he was the only store in town. In fact, the pressure of years of work lead him to an emotional collapse and, finally, death from a heart attack when I was 14. My mother was pretty strong willed and, forgive me Mom, pretty controlling. While I believe she loved me and her intentions were good, she raised me as her father had raised her which was not always so good. The lack of affection from my parents left me feeling that somehow I wasn't good enough, even that I was a "bad boy." My compensation in life, then, was to defeat any person or obstacle in my way...sometimes even if that meant unethical behavior (refer to my initial blog "What Are Ethics").

Then came the darkness of an experience that I know many children have shared, sexual molestation. In my case, the perpetrator was a middle aged woman. Not having conscious recognition of the experieince until mid-life, I realize these years shaped my thinking, my behavior and certainly my personal ethics.

Many behaviorists agree that our experiences during the first 5 or 6 years of our lives become the pattern for the rest of our lives. The influence of these experiences affects what we think others think about us, how we behave, and even whether we succeed or fail in our lives. Here is a key: these memories are indelibly impressed on our minds and our hearts. Next time we'll discuss some of the scientific discoveries about the memory capability of our hearts. Join me won't you?

WHAT ARE ETHICS?

While the common understanding of ethics seems to change day-to-day, a definition would make a good starting place for this blog. Here are some definitions of ethics and integrity from Webster’s American Dictionary of the English Language, 1828 Edition:

Ø Ethics: 1. The doctrines of morality or social manners; the science of moral philosophy, which teaches men their duty and reasons for it. 2. A system of moral principles; a system of rules for regulating the actions and manners of men in society.

Ø Integrity: The entire unimpaired state of anything, particularly of the mind; moral soundness or purity; incorruptness; uprightness; honesty. Integrity comprehends the whole moral character, but has a special reference to uprightness in mutual dealings, transfers of property, and agencies for others.

A logical question should be: "In 2009, what is the standard or model for ethical behavior in the United States?" Is it religion, government, corporate america, ethnic and cultural backgrounds, values of our friends, particular situations, or what each of us considers right? Maybe a better question would be: "Is there any ethical standard or model at all?"

I author and teach seminars for a major publisher of practice aids and seminars. Presenting accounting and auditing subjects for CPAs, I spend some of my time teaching professional business ethics. As you may know, CPAs are required to comply with a Code of Professional Conduct published by the American Institute of Certified Public Accountants. Parameters for behavior are well defined by this Code, yet each year thousands of violations are brought before state and national governing bodies, many of which result in severe sanctions. Just because we have defined behavior doesn't mean we act accordingly!

The Sarbanes Oxley Act requires publically-held companies to establish, post and maintain codes of conduct for employees. Does the creation of these codes of conduct ensure compliant behavior? The daily news testifies, obviously not!

The system of government in the United States was founded on Judeo-Christian Biblical principles. If we know nothing more than the golden rule, "Do unto others and you would have them do unto you," how well do you think we are doing?

In the weeks and months ahead, this blog will delve into the issues of ethics, where we've come from, what has created change, what we're experiencing in our nation today, where our nation is going and how ethics and integrity affect our daily lives. Please join me on this journey; I welcome your comments!