WHERE DO WE GET OUR PERSONAL ETHICS?

How many grains of sand are there on a seashore? Obviously, more than any of us can count. There are probably the same number of influences on our personal ethics. Here are a few significant influences I can think of:

• Our parents and family
• The community in which we live
• The state or country in which we live
• The time period to which we were born
• Societal values and mores
• Political figures
• Sports heroes
• Religion
• Career
• TV and movie stars
• Spouse, children and grandchildren
• Peers
• Life experiences

It is likely you can think of many others. Readers of this blog would like to hear your story. Tell me about what or who you believe has had the most signifcant influence on your personal ethics, either good or bad. I'll group your responses into areas and share some of your stories in this blog (anonymously of course).

I'll get the ball rolling. I grew up in a small midwestern town in the 1940s. The county seat of a farming community, long hours of hard work, honesty and integrity typified the values of most residents. Entertainment was a 5 cent movie on Saturday (for us kids) and sitting in my Dad's 49 Mercury on main street watching people on Saturday night. Family activities included fishing trips, camping in our RV (a built-out school bus), and occasional meals with aunts, uncles and cousins. My mother and father didn't go to church with any regularity but a pastor from our neighborhood took me to church most Sundays. So, my town, my friends and family and the era in which I grew up gave me a desire to live my life with integrity.

My father owned and operated a real "service station," practically 24 hours a day since he was the only store in town. In fact, the pressure of years of work lead him to an emotional collapse and, finally, death from a heart attack when I was 14. My mother was pretty strong willed and, forgive me Mom, pretty controlling. While I believe she loved me and her intentions were good, she raised me as her father had raised her which was not always so good. The lack of affection from my parents left me feeling that somehow I wasn't good enough, even that I was a "bad boy." My compensation in life, then, was to defeat any person or obstacle in my way...sometimes even if that meant unethical behavior (refer to my initial blog "What Are Ethics").

Then came the darkness of an experience that I know many children have shared, sexual molestation. In my case, the perpetrator was a middle aged woman. Not having conscious recognition of the experieince until mid-life, I realize these years shaped my thinking, my behavior and certainly my personal ethics.

Many behaviorists agree that our experiences during the first 5 or 6 years of our lives become the pattern for the rest of our lives. The influence of these experiences affects what we think others think about us, how we behave, and even whether we succeed or fail in our lives. Here is a key: these memories are indelibly impressed on our minds and our hearts. Next time we'll discuss some of the scientific discoveries about the memory capability of our hearts. Join me won't you?