Are You an Isolationist?

I heard a story this week about a youth (I think she was 13 or 14) that lost her cell phone. As you might expect, she was very upset. While most adults would assume the youth was upset because she couldn't talk to her friends, she complained, "And now I can't text and I have to talk to my friends!"

This story brought back a statement by one of my grandsons while he was being treated for leukemia at age 15. Having lost his hair, which he usually wore very long, he was asked what he looked forward to when the treatment was finished. His answer was that he couldn't wait for his hair to grow long again so it would cover his eyes and he wouldn't have to look at anyone! He said, "When you make eye contact with someone, then you have to talk to them!"

Two boys, I'd say they are 17 or 18, use the running track at the the YMCA when my wife and I go for walks. Seeing one of them there for several weeks, we began to look at them in hopes of exchanging a smile. Passing within inches of them, neither would raise their eyes to look at us. Two other men that frequent the running track spend a great deal of time warming up for their run. I've made eye contact and smiled at them both only to watch them look away.

Walking through the streets of New York City on work assignments for many years, I've concluded it is a miracle when someone there makes eye contact! Walking in protective cocoons seems to be the norm. Understandably, there are reasons to protect one's self, in large cities and in small ones. I'm not sure, however, there are justifiable reasons to isolate ourselves from human interaction.

I realize this is the age of social networking on the internet. Facebook, You Tube, Twitter and a hundred other sites provide opportunities to be social. Internet dating sites allow people the opportunity to exchange information, exchange emails, and be social, all without first speaking to the other person face-to-face. This is how I see it. Technology has brought us ways to be alone in the midst of millions of people!

Admittedly, I'm not the most social person in the world. I think I was born an accountant. I'm good at putting my head down and turning out the work. I'm a good live seminar and webcast speaker because I've learned how to communicate effectively. I'm a good trainor because I've spent decades working in the trenches. Except for a few gatherings of long-time friends, I'd just as soon spend the evening in my easy chair.

Socializing face to face is work for me. For 17 years of my adult life, I was single and traveled 300 plus days a year. Essentially, I lived alone, in isolation. My contacts were always temporary. I did what I wanted when I wanted. I was free to live and do as I pleased. Much of society would applaud this as success today! I was miserable! I was so isolated, I'd go to a bar or the grocery store so I could at least be alone with people around me! This was not life, and I had to learn it the hard way!

I remember a verse of an old song, "People who need people are the most wonderful people in the world." Well, guess what! We need people, we need relationships, the face-to-face kind. All the internet sites that provide contacts with old and new friends are good, but there is more. Life is exchanged in groups and one-t0-one personal contact, even if we don't like some of the people!

So, where do you stand? Alone, aloof, apart? Or do you look into people's eyeballs and seek personal interaction? Even us old accountants need relationships! How about you?

Are You Grace-Full?

What does the word mean? From the 1828 Edition of Webster's Dictionary, grace is defined as a blessing, gratuity, unmerited love and favor, privilege and virtue. The Latin word is Gratia, as in gratis or gratuity. Some say Grace before meals to thank their provider for their blessings. It's pretty clear; grace is something we give to someone, a gift. Interestingly, the Greek word for grace is "Charis" which means "gift."

So, if we are "grace-full" it must mean we are filled up with the ability to give grace to others. Sometimes, I'm not very graceful. If you've read some of my previous blogs, you already know that! When things are going my way I can be graceful. When I'm around people I like I'm graceful. There are other times I'm not. Here are a few examples of those circumstances:

• A corporate entity that values it profits more than its customers. A recent visit to a corporate dental group assigned to me under my insurance plan is an example. Their "corporate policy" required me to undergo a series of expensive unnecessary services. I was told that if I didn't subject myself to these procedures they wouldn't serve me in the future! I don't have grace for people and organizations that try to increase their profits at my expense.
• Religious leaders that build their fortunes by deception. A friend told me a story of attending a retirement party for an elderly preacher. My friend asked the preacher if he would do anything different given the chance to redo his career. The preacher said, "Yes, I'd get me a white linen suit, arrange a series of religious meetings and tell the participants that God told me to tell them to give me all their money!" Enough said.
• People with a victim mentality that blame others for their problems. Refusing to take responsibility for their mistakes, bad decisions or inappropriate behavior and, instead, blaming family, friends, employers and others for their misfortunes are the character traits of victims. I was one for many years of my life. I blamed my mother, father, bosses and anyone else I could find for my failures and anger. I minimized my inappropriate behavior and magnified the bad behavior of others. I judged others by their actions but wanted people to judge me by my intentions. I hate seeing me in others!

Many of our life experiences have filled our hearts with wounds and hurts. We can offer human grace to a certain depth of our hearts but then we hit the rocks at the bottom! We can't be grace-full on our own strength. If we could, this planet would be filled with peace, harmony and love.

The Bible says Jesus came filled with grace and truth. His grace-full death on the cross was his "Charis" (gift) to all mankind. Only when we accept Him as our Lord and Savior, can we access His grace and become supernaturally grace-full!

What Do You Do When You Are Wronged?

It happens all the time. Someone steps in line in front of you. A co-worker gets favors instead of you. People criticize your lifestyle. Another car cuts you off. From early on my first reaction was to retaliate.

My examples are many. One I remember clearly occurred in an east coast hotel while facilitating a seminar. Wall charts had been created as exercises were completed and hung on the wall for the summary to this five-day seminar. When I left the room one evening late in the week, I wrote a message on a wall chart in big red letters asking the banquets crew to not destroy my charts. Arriving in the room the next morning, you guessed it, my wall charts were gone! Unwilling to control my temper, my tirade started with the hotel manager and finally led to the person that cleaned the room. Shouting accusations of stupidity in the staff persons face, I was stopped short when he responded, "Que, Senior?" Stopped short, I realized he could not read my message written in English.

Anger and retaliation seemed justified to me then. I knew no other way! Changing my ways seem impossible to me. Life had done me wrong and I was ready to take back what had been taken from me. No one would take advantage of me.

Pretty self-centered wasn't I? My hurts and wounds had made me the most important person on earth! Infringe on my rights and you would be held accountable. I'm not sorry for your plight because you likely did it to yourself. Judgment, criticism, and condemnation were my rights! Give someone the benefit of the doubt, you've got to be kidding!

You can guess the end I'm sure. My life was empty and lonely. I literally lost everything of value to me. Bankrupt and alone, I finally realized there was more to life than me! Flying in an airplane on my 45th birthday, I asked someone for help for the first time in my life--his name was Jesus Christ.

The Bible say that Jesus came to us full of grace and truth. Only He can supernaturally impart grace that will set us free. Don't misunderstand, it didn't happen over night. In fact, it's still happening, 23 years later! Only with the supernatural power of His grace received by faith, can we become others-centered and break free of self-centeredness. His grace is His ability that becomes ours when we trust Him.

The Bible says to turn the other cheek when we are wronged. This doesn't mean we have to become whimps! It means that we are to speak the truth with grace and love with the purpose of setting others free from the same burdens we may have carried. Here's the end: With God's supernatural grace in us, our responses to wrongs can be constructive, not destructive! We can live in peace that is beyond our understanding. We can become others-centered!

Are You Bona Fide?

Remember the movie, O'Brother Where Art Thou? The ex-wife of the George Clooney's character referred to her new fiancee as "bona fide." Defined in the Merrium-Webster online dictionary, it means sincere, genuine, authentic, honest, sincere, true and so on. I think time and society may have lost their regard for bona fides!

Persons held in high regard by a large part of society today are sports heroes, movie stars, politicians and some news reporters. It doesn't seem to matter if the sports heroes take steroids or suck on a bong, if the movie stars are adulterers or wife beaters, if the politicians purse their personal agendas rather than the will of the people or if news reporters constantly bias their reporting to support their political leanings. I don't know about you, but I can't identify many people in these professions that are bona fide!

My definition of bona fide is simply behaving ethically! Behaving ethically is treating others as we'd like to be treated and not satisfying our personal desires through fraud or deception. Behaving ethically is living every aspect of one's life with the highest level of integrity, even if no one is watching! Be bona fide!

Can You Detect Unethical Behavior?

Maybe you've watched the crime solving TV program, "Lie to Me." I sometimes chuckle when I watch the lead character peering into the face of suspects as if he can see the truth in the pores of their skin! Yes, I know body language, expressions and gestures can betray the spoken word and there are experts that can discern these circumstances. For many of us, however, detecting unethical or criminal behavior is a little more difficult!

A partner in a CPA firm that attended one of my seminars related this story. The CPA was asked to submit a proposal to audit a larger non-profit organization in his community. The CPA arranged an initial meeting with the executive director to discuss the organization, its accounting and internal control systems and to obtain financial information. After the meeting, the CPA shared that he couldn't point to anything specific but had a bad feeling about the director. Recognizing this could be either his intuition or too much pizza for lunch, the CPA invited the director to play golf with his foursome Saturday. Upon completing the round, the CPA told the director he would not be submitting an audit proposal. His reason? The director cheated on his score on every hole of the golf course!

The CPA shared he had witnessed a character flaw in an individual that is often a symptom of a greater problem. About a year later the director's name appeared in newspaper headlines because he had embezzled funds from the non-profit organization! A good call I'd say!

I'm an old auditor and would be the last to say our best means of detecting unethical behavior is our intuition. But I would say that we honor our intuition far too little in our relationships with others. Unethical behavior is a fruit of a deeper root. The fruit is usually obvious if we pay attention!

Do Your Actions Speak Louder Than Your Words?

Before we were married, my wife thought I was a "straight-laced CPA." Probably, because I was! Well after all, I'm a CPA and have a professional image to maintain, or so I reasoned. She has said that even when I have fun, it's work. She's right. My upbringing taught me how to perform to get accolades and avoid criticism.

While I have grown some, I still have to make sure what I do isn't performance to get "attaboys," or to sway the opinions of others. The truth is that most of us perform some. Others are affected by our performance, at least for a little while. Eventually, however, hidden things will be revealed. Maybe I should say the hidden "self" will be revealed. My self-serving purposes will eventually become evident when what I do and say doesn't align with what's in my heart. In other words, I can only survive doing and saying good for a short time if I'm faking it. In some way, the truth will come out because my actions speak louder than my words!

If you are a parent and make a promise to your child, you better make it good. If you are a businessman that tells employees your primary objective is to help them accomplish theirs, you better make sure you share your profits. If you are a pastor that tells a congregation your goal is to help them live a better life, occasionally you should consider passing the offering plate and telling them to take something out! If you are a politician that insists serving the needs of constituents is the primary purpose of holding office, your actions better back up your words.

Here's the bottom line. Words are empty unless they come from one's heart and are backed by unselfish actions. When we're not genuine in our words or actions, others will know it!

Why Is There Such Death and Destruction in Haiti?

I can barely stand watching the news reports of the devastation in Haiti. My heart, like yours I'm sure, breaks with the images of the injured and the dying. Children without their parents or a home may be the worst part. Like other natural disasters, life as usual is changed in an instant. Business doesn't matter. Ethical behavior doesn't matter. Our 401K doesn't matter. Plans for the future don't matter. Only survival does!

Like many of us, you may be asking why. Why did this happen to one of the poorest nations on earth? Why did people that had almost nothing lose even that? Why the death and devastation? Some would answer and say those faults have been under that city for centuries. True, but the destruction came now. Some would say that it is the judgment of God on the sin, on the devil worship and on the lawlessness that has reigned in that nation. This also may be true but these evils are embedded in the history of the nation. Still others would say it is chance. Volcanic eruptions, tsunamis, earthquakes, floods, droughts and other natural disasters are occurring more frequently around the world, and it's probably not chance!

Whether or not one believes in God, we must understand that the earth has a timetable. Nostradamus thought so. The Mayans thought so. Even science thinks so! As we are busy living life, however, we don't want to think so! If we don't think about it, we don't have to deal with some difficult issues. Who am I? Where did I come from? Where am I going when I leave the earth? It's pretty easy to think that we just stop, or that we go into the light, or that we become angels or that this life is all there is. I hope you know that none of this kind of reasoning is truth.

Natural laws have been established on this earth. We're familiar with gravity, thermodynamics, physics, planting and harvesting and so on. The natural law we like to ignore, however, is that sin has consequences! Collective sin has even greater consequences! If you don't believe me, you need to read a publication that has been proven accurate by historians, archeologists, lawyers and many others...the Holy Bible.

The consequences of sin will be reaped on earth or in the "after life." To die is to leave this earth for an eternal destiny, either heaven or hell. We don't get a chance to choose after the earthquake hits! But, we can choose now! Jesus' recorded words in John 14:6, "I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me." Jesus is the only savior that died to pay the price for our sin. When we ask him in prayer to be our Lord and Savior, and believe in our hearts that God raised Him form the dead, we will be saved! He will forgive our sin and make the way for us to be filled with His righteousness and love! Are you ready for what might happen on earth tomorrow, or even in the next few minutes? Make your choice now!