I remember a story about a woman that didn't go to a dentist for most of her life because she feared she'd die in the chair. When most of her teeth had decayed and fallen out she couldn't stand the pain, she went for help. She died in the chair!
Another woman grew up with an abusive, alcoholic father. She vowed she would never marry a man like her father. After three marriages to non-alcoholic men, each became alcoholic and treated her like her father did. Counseling later revealed that, in her heart, she believed all men were like her father.
Good or bad, what we believe in our hearts drive our thoughts and actions. Believe a lie and it becomes our truth! Believe the truth and it becomes reality.
Even most physicists recognize this phenomenon. Quantum physics principles hold that we all are a part of a whole. What we believe and do affects ourselves and the universe. A basic principle of the Bible is faith. What you believe is what you get!
If this is true, then we have a choice. If I can believe what God says about me rather than what my bad experiences have taught me, I can succeed in any thing I do. I can succeed in life! What do you believe?
Saturday, April 17, 2010
The Making of a Warrior
Jim Chosa, a Crow Indian by marriage, has written a chronology on how the Crow Tribe grooms male children to become warriors. Here is what I remember.
The story begins with a 5 year old boy sleeping with his parents in a tent one cold, snowy morning. The boy awakes as someone grabs his ankle and begins to drag him through the snow towards the river. The boy next feels his body catapulting through the air, landing in the river and the beginning of his battle for survival!
Training their young boys to be warriors meant survival for a Crow family and their tribe. The family hired the best warrior they could find as a mentor for their son. The boy was taught skills for survival, for battle and for living a humble, others-centered life.
Around the age of 13, he was sent into the wilderness with no food, no clothes and no weapons on his "quest." Instructed to lay face down in a clearing, he could not move until he received his "vision" from the Great Spirit. Even when approached by a bear or mountain lion, he was forbidden to move but, instead, to trust a power higher than himself. Only after successfully completing this experience could the young warrior begin to pursue his calling.
When he was ready, he was permitted to accompany his mentor into battle. Only when he had proven his abilities, and when he had learned to delight in his purpose, was he permitted to enter the battle alone.
When he was victorious in his first hand-to-hand conflict, a coup they called it, he was awarded a feather for his head band. Surrounded by family and friends, he learned how to share his victory humbly and to appreciate those that "stayed with the stuff!"
The Crow don't train warriors any more and some of their men will tell you they've lost their purpose. Each of us has been created for a unique purpose. Like the Crow warrior, our life experiences have been our training. I'll be 68 soon and finally began to realize my life purpose! I'm delighting in it! It's never too late.
How about you? Have you found your purpose? There is a warrior inside of you!
The story begins with a 5 year old boy sleeping with his parents in a tent one cold, snowy morning. The boy awakes as someone grabs his ankle and begins to drag him through the snow towards the river. The boy next feels his body catapulting through the air, landing in the river and the beginning of his battle for survival!
Training their young boys to be warriors meant survival for a Crow family and their tribe. The family hired the best warrior they could find as a mentor for their son. The boy was taught skills for survival, for battle and for living a humble, others-centered life.
Around the age of 13, he was sent into the wilderness with no food, no clothes and no weapons on his "quest." Instructed to lay face down in a clearing, he could not move until he received his "vision" from the Great Spirit. Even when approached by a bear or mountain lion, he was forbidden to move but, instead, to trust a power higher than himself. Only after successfully completing this experience could the young warrior begin to pursue his calling.
When he was ready, he was permitted to accompany his mentor into battle. Only when he had proven his abilities, and when he had learned to delight in his purpose, was he permitted to enter the battle alone.
When he was victorious in his first hand-to-hand conflict, a coup they called it, he was awarded a feather for his head band. Surrounded by family and friends, he learned how to share his victory humbly and to appreciate those that "stayed with the stuff!"
The Crow don't train warriors any more and some of their men will tell you they've lost their purpose. Each of us has been created for a unique purpose. Like the Crow warrior, our life experiences have been our training. I'll be 68 soon and finally began to realize my life purpose! I'm delighting in it! It's never too late.
How about you? Have you found your purpose? There is a warrior inside of you!
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Becoming Who We Are
Like most of us, my personal goal in life has been to be better when I finish than when I started. I've told my seminar participants many times that instead of a detailed life plan, my desire is just to keep my learning curve up. Actually, I want to keep obtaining knowledge that can be applied to business and life circumstances. Through this process my hope is that I continue to grow in wisdom and character.
As noble as this may sound, without understanding of who and what I am it is doubtful I will end up where I'm supposed to be. It's a little like driving my car as I get older; taking my eyes off the road for just a few seconds can quickly take me where I'm looking! Each of us has a special destiny that can only be obtained if we know where we are going. Understanding who we are is a key to getting to where we are going!
Who am I? Here is my brief synopsis. I have a body, a soul (a mind, will and emotions) and a spirit (a conscience and intuition). My mind has a brain which translates thoughts into action through my body. My soul accumulates life experiences which produces thoughts patterned after those experiences. My spirit checks the behavior of my soul when my thoughts and actions are not good by making me feel guilty. The combination of my soul and spirit becomes my heart, or my center from which all thought, emotions, behavior and actions emanate. I've got all this equipment so I must have purpose! I mean, I'm already something so what am I to become?
Many of us are continually trying to change because we don't like who we are. Sometimes we don't even like other people when they are like we are! If we are trying to change ourselves, it begs the question, "Who are we supposed to be?"
We often work so hard trying to find what we are to do that we sometimes don't get around to finding out who we are supposed to be or to become. I worked 60-70 hours a week for most of my career trying to become something, to find my way to the top of the pile so to speak. It only got me tired! Only when I stopped trying to do did I begin to be!
Careful! I'm not advocating taking up space on a park bench for years to explore the mysteries of the universe in our minds. I'm simply saying that when we spend our daily lives operating at warp speed, we can miss the signposts leading us to who we are to become. It's been said that we were created as human beings, not human doings!
So, how can we find our way to who we should become? For me, it is an ongoing process of separating myself from the thinking and reasoning that continually goes on in my mind, at least for brief periods of time. A life pattern for me, my mind rarely can be turned off. I'm constantly planning, mulling over past events or thinking about what I'm going to do. As most will agree, our business and personal lives must include a certain amount of these activities. The problem surfaces, however, when we are consumed and controlled by the activities of our minds. Our minds often control us instead of us using our minds to accomplish our purposes!
As I shared in the opening paragraph, scientists, theologians, and most religious doctrines agree that we are three part beings. We have a body, a soul and an inner being. Our bodies and souls are connected to the world around us; our inner being is connected to something else (for me it's God). If I've learned anything by living, it's that lasting change must begin on the inside. I can make changes in my behavior and actions in my mind but life's pressures often destroy my good intentions. One person shared, "We're like a tube of toothpaste. When we're squeezed, what's on the inside comes out!"
Here's what some of us have learned: we are helpless to change the things in our hearts. We can make changes in our behavior, but it is rare for those changes to last for a lifetime. Whether it's getting angry at an incompetent store clerk, impatient with a client, irritated at a family member or worse things, I sometimes don't do a good job of controlling my reactions. I want to be free of the offense that rises up in me to react rationally and in a way that will benefit others. Controlling my reactions caused by hurts and wounds deep in my heart is impossible for me. The good news is that it's not impossible for God! What do you think?
As noble as this may sound, without understanding of who and what I am it is doubtful I will end up where I'm supposed to be. It's a little like driving my car as I get older; taking my eyes off the road for just a few seconds can quickly take me where I'm looking! Each of us has a special destiny that can only be obtained if we know where we are going. Understanding who we are is a key to getting to where we are going!
Who am I? Here is my brief synopsis. I have a body, a soul (a mind, will and emotions) and a spirit (a conscience and intuition). My mind has a brain which translates thoughts into action through my body. My soul accumulates life experiences which produces thoughts patterned after those experiences. My spirit checks the behavior of my soul when my thoughts and actions are not good by making me feel guilty. The combination of my soul and spirit becomes my heart, or my center from which all thought, emotions, behavior and actions emanate. I've got all this equipment so I must have purpose! I mean, I'm already something so what am I to become?
Many of us are continually trying to change because we don't like who we are. Sometimes we don't even like other people when they are like we are! If we are trying to change ourselves, it begs the question, "Who are we supposed to be?"
We often work so hard trying to find what we are to do that we sometimes don't get around to finding out who we are supposed to be or to become. I worked 60-70 hours a week for most of my career trying to become something, to find my way to the top of the pile so to speak. It only got me tired! Only when I stopped trying to do did I begin to be!
Careful! I'm not advocating taking up space on a park bench for years to explore the mysteries of the universe in our minds. I'm simply saying that when we spend our daily lives operating at warp speed, we can miss the signposts leading us to who we are to become. It's been said that we were created as human beings, not human doings!
So, how can we find our way to who we should become? For me, it is an ongoing process of separating myself from the thinking and reasoning that continually goes on in my mind, at least for brief periods of time. A life pattern for me, my mind rarely can be turned off. I'm constantly planning, mulling over past events or thinking about what I'm going to do. As most will agree, our business and personal lives must include a certain amount of these activities. The problem surfaces, however, when we are consumed and controlled by the activities of our minds. Our minds often control us instead of us using our minds to accomplish our purposes!
As I shared in the opening paragraph, scientists, theologians, and most religious doctrines agree that we are three part beings. We have a body, a soul and an inner being. Our bodies and souls are connected to the world around us; our inner being is connected to something else (for me it's God). If I've learned anything by living, it's that lasting change must begin on the inside. I can make changes in my behavior and actions in my mind but life's pressures often destroy my good intentions. One person shared, "We're like a tube of toothpaste. When we're squeezed, what's on the inside comes out!"
Here's what some of us have learned: we are helpless to change the things in our hearts. We can make changes in our behavior, but it is rare for those changes to last for a lifetime. Whether it's getting angry at an incompetent store clerk, impatient with a client, irritated at a family member or worse things, I sometimes don't do a good job of controlling my reactions. I want to be free of the offense that rises up in me to react rationally and in a way that will benefit others. Controlling my reactions caused by hurts and wounds deep in my heart is impossible for me. The good news is that it's not impossible for God! What do you think?
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Got Respect?
I remember a sound bite from a Rodney Dangerfield monologue that went something like, "I ain't got no respect." Most of us desire respect and recognition from others. Often in our society, we're looking for recognition for what we do. Not many will admit this but our achievements are often more for our own benefit than they are for the benefit of those we serve, like our employers, clients, family and friends. Wanting to achieve isn't wrong, but there is more to the story.
When I started my career, my objective was to be the best at what I did. Throughout the years, I always worked to be number one although I failed many times. I wanted to be recognized for what I achieved. Although I didn't realize it at the time, my desire to achieve came from a source of low self-esteem and deep feelings of inadequacy. Achievement was for my benefit, mine alone.
Only in my later years did I realize that real achievement comes from serving others well. When we lay aside our human needs for recognition and respect and focus on serving others in our work and personal lives, we get respect for who we are, not just what we do.
I've often observed the crew of the garbage truck that serves our home. When temperatures are freezing, they ride on the back of that truck and eagerly pick up my trash. In sweltering heat, they carefully pick up each piece of garbage that accidentally falls to the ground. If I forget to put the garbage out, they cheerfully ring my doorbell and remind me. I have great respect for who these men are!
Now it's time for some introspection. Here are some questions that are key to getting respect from others. Try to answer these questions as honestly as you can:
1. When other people tell you about what they're doing in their work or personal lives, are you more interested in their circumstances or yours? 2. When your serve others, is your focus more on what you get out of it or on how your service benefits them? 3. In your work, your church projects or chatting with a neighbor over the fence, are you concerned more about them or about you? 4. Do you spend more time thinking about yourself than about others? 5. When visiting with co-workers, family or friends, do you spend more time talking about yourself than you do listening to them? 6. When trying to get others to change bad behavior, do you see things from their point of view or do you throw the book of rules at them? 7. Do you consider yourself better than others?
I don't know about you, but I have a long way to go! If you dare, post a comment and tell readers how you did!
When I started my career, my objective was to be the best at what I did. Throughout the years, I always worked to be number one although I failed many times. I wanted to be recognized for what I achieved. Although I didn't realize it at the time, my desire to achieve came from a source of low self-esteem and deep feelings of inadequacy. Achievement was for my benefit, mine alone.
Only in my later years did I realize that real achievement comes from serving others well. When we lay aside our human needs for recognition and respect and focus on serving others in our work and personal lives, we get respect for who we are, not just what we do.
I've often observed the crew of the garbage truck that serves our home. When temperatures are freezing, they ride on the back of that truck and eagerly pick up my trash. In sweltering heat, they carefully pick up each piece of garbage that accidentally falls to the ground. If I forget to put the garbage out, they cheerfully ring my doorbell and remind me. I have great respect for who these men are!
Now it's time for some introspection. Here are some questions that are key to getting respect from others. Try to answer these questions as honestly as you can:
1. When other people tell you about what they're doing in their work or personal lives, are you more interested in their circumstances or yours? 2. When your serve others, is your focus more on what you get out of it or on how your service benefits them? 3. In your work, your church projects or chatting with a neighbor over the fence, are you concerned more about them or about you? 4. Do you spend more time thinking about yourself than about others? 5. When visiting with co-workers, family or friends, do you spend more time talking about yourself than you do listening to them? 6. When trying to get others to change bad behavior, do you see things from their point of view or do you throw the book of rules at them? 7. Do you consider yourself better than others?
I don't know about you, but I have a long way to go! If you dare, post a comment and tell readers how you did!
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